When we’re young, we have all of these ideas of what we’re going to be when we grow up. Some of them are realistic, and others are not. What we end up doing is sometimes neither the realistic or the unrealistic idea we had a kid. Sometimes, it’s very very different.
My sophomore year of college was the worst – emotionally, academically, and financially. I got pretty much straight C’s with a couple of As and Bs. Toward the end of that terrible streak, I decided that after I graduated college I was going to move to Australia, become a teacher and live there for a while before coming back and settling down in Maine.
None of that happened. I met a boy, fell in love, and my dreams changed. Australia is still there, but realistically, it’s hard as hell to move there based on all of the research I’ve done.
Now? Now I want to build a tiny house. I want to travel. I want to work from home. I want to be a mom, a kick ass rock climber, and awesome wedding photographer.
None of these were original ideas of mine. And that’s okay. I LOVE the dreams I have now, and I LOVE living in the present and enjoying this stage in my life and working toward my future.
I had a conversation with one of my best friends recently while eating homemade chicken noodle soup and breathing in the fresh spring air. We were talking about where we are in our lives, and if we could be living out our dreams at that moment, what would they be? Jenn and I talk a lot about these kinds of things and she said that it’s weird that I’m not already just living out my dream. In her mind, when she thinks of me, she thinks of me doing these things that I mentioned above.
You guys, it is kind of weird. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
Where I am right now is safe. It’s secure. I know what will happen if I stay where I’m at. I can’t speak for Steven, but we both chose careers that require us to generally stay in one place versus doing things that truly make our hearts happy.
Yes, I know money is important and that bills need to be paid. But who said you can’t have it all?
I used to hear photographers I absolutely adore and look up to talk about feeling defeated some days and wanting to quit. That they aren’t good enough. I never understood that! They are amazing! They can do anything! They’re so successful! How could they feel like that?!
I finally get it now. I’m only in year three of my business, but I absolutely love what I do. There have been many days lately where I just want to give up. I feel like I’m not cut out for this. That I can’t do it all. I can’t make this dream of mine happen. I think about these other people who have those same feelings and I realized that I’m not the only one, and it’s okay. But throwing myself a pity party can only last for a short period of time. It doesn’t do to dwell on it.
When I start to have these feelings that I’m not capable or good enough, it’s almost humbling. I think it means that I know I can be better. I want to be better. I want to be the very best that I can be in all areas of my life.
Jasmine Star is one of my idols. She seriously just rocks my world in all that she does. Her honestly impacts me on such a deep level, and I know she impacts hundreds of souls around the world. I love this quote of hers.
Recently, Steven and his friend were talking about their lottery dreams, and Steven was asked what his was. A few minutes later I came home and Steven asked what mine was and I told him – pay off my parents debt, build a tiny house/buy a trailer, quit my job and travel. We have the same lottery dream.
Y’all, I’m going to get that lottery. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how – yet. However, I’m going to get there, and all the hard work, the doubt, the fear and just showing up is all going to be worth it in the end.
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