Eleven months ago, I published the most personal and heartwrenching blog post I’ve ever written. It was the start of me beginning to share more personal thoughts and topics on my blog, and it’s actually been a really interesting and positive experience for me. That blog post I wrote almost a year ago about the fact that we were struggling with infertility was met with so much encouragement and love, that it blew me away! Doing this was something I was so so scared to do, but made me realize that it was okay to share these things on my blog. That people would connect with me and show me support and positivity, and it actually sparked a little fire in my soul to continue to share on a personal level like that!
I wrote that post on July 27th, 2015.
It’s not lost on me that my expected due date is July 27th, 2016. That’s not something I can ignore or write off as mere coincidence.
The difference a year can make is absolutely incredible. We stopped seeing Boston IVF in September, and somehow managed to get pregnant without them, despite being told for years that it was near impossible to get pregnant without help because my body simply did not ovulate. That’s a fact, and that’s all there is to it. To tell me that we got pregnant as soon as we were “relaxed” is probably the most offensive thing you can say to anyone who dealt with fertility treatments and then got pregnant without them, even with the best intentions in your heart! If it was as simple as relaxing, we would have gotten pregnant in the first year we tried! I was the furthest thing from relaxed when we stopped seeing BIVF. I was incredibly bitter and angry and I worked REALLY hard to not let anyone see that. I didn’t talk about it at all, just thinking that ignoring it would make me feel better.
I took a pregnancy test in December because I thought I had mono, and was honestly just getting really pissed off at people asking if I was pregnant – because according to the doctors there was no way, right? When it was positive, I was in such a panic and immediately super emotional that I couldn’t even wait to tell Steven in a cutesy way! I called him at work, because I just didn’t believe it and could hardly breathe or stop crying. Pretty cute, eh?
In four and a half weeks or so, we’ll be meeting our child for the first time, and I get all sorts of emotional just thinking about that first moment and what it’s going to be like!
A lot can change in a year. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn’t always make the struggles easier to bear.
Speaking from experience, in the area of trying to have a baby, it doesn’t matter if someone has tried for 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, or 10 years. Once you decide you are ready to bring a child into this world, and you have to struggle to do what should be so easy and natural, there’s nothing in the world that someone can say to change those feelings, or make you feel better. I know how incredibly lucky we are. 3 1/2 years was my own personal hell, and I know that there are people who have tried for a lot longer with no success. My heart absolutely breaks for those people. Just like my heart breaks for the ones who have been trying 14 months and still haven’t had it happen yet. It’s not a pissing match by any means. Every single person’s journey is equally devastating regardless of length or time, or what methods they have tried.
Please, keep in mind to always show kindness and compassion to those around you. You never know what someone is struggling through.
For those of you struggling now with something, whether it’s infertility, depression, a job you hate, insecurity about a new business venture, or a tough relationship – just remember, a lot can change in one year.